A year ago, if you told me I’d be here writing blogs about my life with mental health: 1) I probably be freaking out and thinking my life is forever changed 2) I would say you are lying. Well, here I am. Writing. Diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and mild Depression.
It all started one morning as I was driving to work. I work in Rural Fresno, Co and I drive a lot for my job. From my office to the police station (I am not a cop) I am responding with on this day takes approximately 75 minutes. I get my coffee and I usually use French vanilla coffee creamer but today they were all out, so I used hazlenut. About an hour in to my drive I began to feel itchiness in my throat but I am not thinking much of it yet. A few minutes later, I can feel my heart beating a little faster, I become dizzy, and clammy. I think to myself I am having an allergic reaction! I rush to the store and grab myself a Benadryl and take it immediately. A few moments later, my heart rate increases, I feel flush, loopy, and a choking sensation, so here I am trying to catch my breath but cannot.
My office is located inside the police station but its away from everyone else. My doors are closed and there isn’t much traffic by my office. I start to panic. I say to myself “If I am going to pass out it cannot be in here because no one will find me.” I walk, almost stumbling into dispatch, looking pale and flush, “guys I do not feel well. can you help me?” My heart is beating out of my chest right now, I can barley speak. They call EMS right away. My blood pressure was the highest it has ever been, my heart rate was above 120. I was scared, I did not know what was happening with my body. With that, however, I felt okay enough not to go to the hospital and it felt as the presence of EMS has calmed me. After looking back, I wasn’t having an allergic reaction, it was a panic attack. It was induced by an alcohol binge from the day before and caffeine the morning of.
This event was in December of 2019. I still did not know or believe it was anxiety. I dealt with palpitations for about a month after that attack. I was scared. Actually, I was hoping it was anxiety and not issues with my heart. I requested from my primary care a holter monitor. A holter monitor is a device you stick on your chest for about 24 hours and it monitors the beat and rhythm of your heart. Results came back and there was nothing to note. Which I guess was good, right? I still was not feeling well all the time, so I requested to have my Thryoid checked because I knew that can cause anxiety like feelings. That came back clean as well.
Reality set in, I have anxiety. At this time, it’s mostly the physical symptoms of anxiety; sudden moments of fear which lead to rapid breathing, heat sensations, edginess, dizziness, nausea, difficulty staying asleep, muscle tension, and fatigue.
Here I am dealing with anxiousness almost on a daily basis and BOOM! 2020 comes at me like a ton of bricks! From one day to the next, the world has changed. As did I. Everything that was once normal isn’t so much now…
Thank you for stopping by. Stay tuned.
Bright Side Mental Health 